| The
original document was a translation from Hungarian to English. I compared
the Hungarian text with the client's English translation in order to arrive
at my final edited version. During this process, I corrected any inconsistencies
of meaning and style that I found between the original and the translation. |
| Creative:
Original Version |
Creative:
Edited Version |
| And the time, as came
- it went , impassively, because it bothers not what it carries
on its shoulder, just, with its head lowered , merely watches its
testicles or gazes the dusty ground. Well, Joseph has grown into a smart,
very clever lad, the fault according to my thin judgement was, that his
brothers, born to Leilah, could not really stand him, did not care for
him, he being uppish, self conceited person, whom the Forefather had carried
on his bosom, as to say, and his mother even licked the spoon in his sted,
in short, the parents had watched this one babe, as the beggar watches
the fat money bag, they were just short of loosing their senses by him. |
|
| And as Time came, so
it also went – indifferently, because it doesn’t much care about the load
on its shoulder, but just bows its head and studies its balls, or gazes
at the dusty ground. Joseph had grown into a quick and powerfully clever
lad, and the only hitch, in my poor scrawny judgement, was that his brothers,
born of Leah, could not really stand him; they didn’t care for him, he
being an uppity, self-conceited person, whom the Forefather had carried
on his bosom, so to speak, and his mother had even licked the spoon in
his stead. In short, the old folks had watched this one papoose the way
a beggar ogles a fat money bag – they were just short of losing their senses
over him. |
|
x
| Creative:
Editing in Progress |
And asthe-tTime,
as came, -
so
it also
went
–, indifferentlyimpassively,
because it doesn’t much care about the loadbothers
not what it carries on its shoulder, but
just,-bowswith
its head and
studies its ballslowered , merely
watches its testicles,
or gazes at the dusty ground. Well,
Joseph
hadhas
grown into a quick andsmart,-powerfullyvery
clever lad, and the only hitchthe
fault, in
my poor scrawnyaccording to my
thin judgement was,
was
that
his brothers, born ofto-LeahLeilah,
could not really stand him;,
they didn’t
not care for him, he being an
uppityuppish,
self-conceited person, whom the Forefather
had carried on his bosom, so to speakas
to say, and his mother had even
licked the spoon in his steadsted,.-iIn
short, the old folksparents-had
watched this one papoosebabe,-the
way aas the beggar
ogleswatches-athe
fat money bag,
– they were just short of losingloosing
their senses overby
him. |
The
text is from an original screenplay by András Jeles – Joseph
and His Brothers: Scenes from a Peasant Bible.
[Edited
for Panoráma Film Ltd., Hungary.]
|
